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she can already hear that thunderous sound. she can already see across window car, as she gazed up in blue

a white winged vehicle, soaring sky.
she can hear that increasing strident sound from the Wright brothers white winged craft
as she get nearer and nearer. and nearer.
car stop. she’s here. she was here. she’s been here. she’s here..
gates. flights. terminals. departure.. luggage. passport, travel documents, ticket.
she ican see a woman and a man and children. a massive number of people.
friends. relatives. lovers. couples. families.. children.. oh! the children..
separating..leaving.. parting..
she witnessed them weep .. a friend. a sister. a brother. a lover. a wife. a husband.
and the children.. oh! the children..
throbbing. shrugging in tears. for their mother. for their father.
Hush…. Hush…hush… hush………..
Oh! and yes I saw it there.. a young girl, maybe eight or nine years old,  with a mark on her left face, birthmark perhaps 
with a brown complexion wearing a white shirt and a faded blue short, whose hair is tightly coiled in a black braid

grasping, gripping on a man’s leg.. clamp.fastened.

trembling.. howling .. gasping her breath.. the hair that was earlier beautifully, tightly  tied  are now all down flowing to her face as her mother tries to pull her away from a man.
a tall, brown man with a bulky chest and thick forearms with a hair that was black as coal.
“ I promise I’ll come back..” I heard the man whispered as she kissed the young girl goodbye
turn his back and walk away..  vanished in the crowd.. like a smoked blew by the current
wind..
Buzzzz…. Buzzzzzzzz…. Buzzzzzzzz…
There comes the sound again.. from the Wright brothers white winged craft
She was there… she’s been there… and now she’s here… she’ here again
a lady with a mark on her face.. a birthmark perhaps, maybe a twenty four years of age.. walking back and forth..
waiting.. walking.. waiting.. walking back and forth
and from a distance.. she saw a man approaching .. with a familiar face… that face..
it’s like a face in your dream painted by blurredness
a face that you will barely remember, recall as you wake up the next morning
as she stare on the man’s face.. she notice lines in the man’s brow, with a crumple face and
a  white, gray hair.
Oh yes! Oh sure! The man..that man…he came back.. he cameback..

but he’s wait he’s not alone?

behind him is a woman whose arms  wrapped around with the old man’s arms like a serpent grip on its prey

she couldn’t remember her face.. not even in her dreams..
she can’t remember . she doesn’t know her
is she?
It’s not her sister.. not her mothuer either

she’s just a woman.
the woman.
the other woman…

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Posted by on August 3, 2017 in poetry

 

31

   
This is the day when she said that she love me. The first time I heard those three words. I remember that day when my heart skipped a beat. When it felt like I was floating in the air and everything else around me mean nothing, when I see and hear nothing but her.. I can taste a huge block on my throat and I can’t utter any single word. But one thing was certain that day, I was happy, there was overflowing happiness that I can’t contain.. And that very day, I intend and promise to love her then and always.
I used to believe that in love there’s no if, no but, no when..that true love is timeless.. That there is only always and forever. That It is more than just a feeling that come and go. But I also learned the hard way that sometimes love is not enough. That sometimes being in love is not enough to make it work. It is not always something like you see or read in a romantic movies or some books that appeared and sounded pretty well and give you a happily ever after ending. How love can easily be tossed away in just a snap when someone else new comes along.How happiness can be so fucking fleeting. That people always leave and they come and go.And when reality strikes you right in front your face, it will hit you like a bomb that will burst your soul, or a bullet that will rip and drill your heart, and it can destroy you and it can destroy everything else that you believe in.
So I say don’t say you love me.. If you can’t love me without fear.. Without shame. Don’t say you love me with that intention of loving me by pieces and not loving me as a whole, don’t say you love me if you intend to change me, if you can’t love me by who I am and not by what I am. Don’t say you love me with the intention of loving me temporarily or only when everything else is easy and great. don’t say you love me if you can’t love the worst in me, Don’t say you love if there’s any single doubt in you questioning if I’m worth it, don’t say you love me if by any chance that you felt that loving me is a mistake or loving me is just a part of some sort of an act of foolishness. Don’t say you love me if you can’t love me during those moment when I do not have enough courage to stand tall. Do not say you love because I might do stupid thing like opening my heart again.. Of believing in love again.. Of trusting in love again. Of falling in love again and I am sorry but I tell you this, I can’t give you an extraordinary life and I know no other way to love but to just love you with all that is left in me, plainly, truly, deeply.

#05312015

#05312016say

 

 
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Posted by on May 31, 2016 in poetry

 

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to my future

  
I wish I had met you when my heart was still at its best shape, when it wasn’t bruised and battered.

I wish I had met you when I love fiercely, when I was fearless and hopelessly romantic fool.

I wish I had met you when my heart was still young, unused and whole.

When I still believe in magic, that love could move mountains, in happily ever after, in forever and two people spending a lifetime together.

But this is who I am. This is who I am now. with scars and marks. I am ruined. I am a chaos with heavy thoughts, I imagine things long before it happen and I overthink a lot. I am cautious. Everything in me seem cluttered. But my heart.. My heart, I still want to keep it plain, simple, gentle and kind. 

And I want to love you, Fully.. I want to love you the way you should be loved. I want to love you with all of me, with every little bit of me, I want to give you all the love that you deserve because I recognize your worth and I know how you love purely..how you love without you changing me..and that’s a gift.. And I want to give it back..

But I am afraid that I might hurt you, that I might crash you and that’s the the last thing I wish I wouldn’t do. 

I wish I had met you when I was ready.. But right now please be patient.. Until such time that I am completely heal, when my heart is ready to give it all again, as bright, as strong, as pure, as new, just like the first time..

 

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falling in love

  
Falling in love is easy, here comes the butterflies, the excitement that comes along, the highly anticipated meetings, those long hours chat and conversation, that tingling sensation.And when you are falling in love with someone it is easy to see the good side on that person

She is beautiful, sweet, thoughtful, sensible, smart- those lovable qualities but over the course of time what will happen when the cloak that used to hide each others flaws started to disappear?

when the blindfold you once had drop down and reveal each others imperfections?When you no longer find her funny or when she can no longer make you laugh?or when you realize that she’s not smart the way you thought she was?when her beauty fades?when she run out of things to say?when she can’t provide you things that you wish you could have?when you discover things that she is ashamed of, those fears that she hide? when you uncover her weaknesses that she tries to disguise 

Falling in love is easy but staying in love is a decision, it is a choice, it is a commitment.Loving someone means loving someone even the whole situation is not ideal, it means seeing everything, the way she is, the good and the bad but still you love her and you choose her.

It means loving someone with her set of her shortcomings,imperfections, mistakes, it means learning to love those flaws wholly, completely along with the good ones.

And I once dreamed and plead and beg for someone who can also take me, who will stick around,choose me back under any circumstances, no matter how much things get rough and complicated

when you find such rarity, never let them go 

 
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Posted by on March 21, 2016 in poetry

 

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ubos

  
Mahal mo ba sya?Kailan? Paano? 

Hanggang saan?

Mahal mo lang ba sya sa tuwing napapasaya ka nya?

Sa mga pagkakataon na masarap syang kasama? Na masaya syang kasama? Sa mga sandaling maayos at okay ang lahat?

Pano sa mga oras na hindi ka nya kayang pangitiin? o sa mga sandali na hindi nya makuhang ngumiti? Sa mga oras na hindi nya kayang tumawa o ipakita sayo o sa mga tao sa paligid nya na okay lang ang lahat?
Ayaw mo na? aayaw ka na? Dahil hindi na masaya? Dahil hindi naaayon sa gusto mo? dahil taliwas na sa nabuo sa isipin mo na kung pano dapat kayo? Dahil Hindi na magaan? Dahil hindi mo kayang tagalan na makasama sya sa mga pagkakataon na hindi nya magawang maging maayos ang lahat gaya ng inaasahan mo..
Mahal mo sya? Mahal mo ba? Marahil.. Siguro.. Oo..

Ang pagmamahal mo ba ay kayang irespeto ang buo yang pagkatao?

Mahal mo sya.. Oo, siguro,  sa maraming pagkakataon..

Ngunit ang pagmamahal mo kaya ay kayang balutin ng respeto ang nanliliit na himaymay ng kanyang pagkatao?

 
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Posted by on March 10, 2016 in feelings, insights, tagalog

 

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Thursdate

  Yes i still think about you
I still miss you

I still think about how we started.

our first hello, our random chat.

I still remember that day when I first laid my eyes on you

when we were exchanging smile from afar as we walk through the aisle and meet half way on that crowded place, unmindful, drifting excitingly 

I think about our early greetings, unexpected but greatly anticipated phone calls and messages throughout the day, our late conversation, whispering our secrets from its shallow to its innermost and deepest thoughts, talking about our beaten past, sharing experiences from melodramatic to humorously, comically life events, mocking and teasing each other, our silliness and intimate talks, that comfortability, that boldness, bared and told

I still look at our pictures together and somehow it’s a visible proof that once,even just for awhile everything seems so right and perfect and real

And I can still remember our first kiss and it was clear and vivid..and it never failed to put a sweet ample smile on my lips..that night..at the corner of that street..along with those flashes of lights from the cars passing by…under that dimly street light pole.. when I look into your eyes and I felt that urge, that pull…that spark.. I was mesmerized..and all I wanted is to kiss you.. Once.. Twice.. And maybe more.. And at that moment I knew.. 

I remember those nights when you were lying next to me.. sleeping peacefully like a baby.. when I will suddenly find myself half awake in the middle of the night and I will stare at you and will gently stroke your hair, softly..I will smile for such.. And I will Feel happy.. Simply, effortless happy.

When you were sitting there at your desk or sitting in front of the TV and I’ll take a glimpse of you every once in awhile from a distance or even when I’m close but pretending that I am not looking..how my heart skips a beat..and it feels like Im drowning..

Because I always Love staring at you.. Looking at you..Being with you..

I still think about you and yes I still miss you.. I miss us..a lot..

sometimes I cry

sometimes I smile

But I know have to be okay.. I need to be okay.. I have to be okay for now or maybe always..

 

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I will Love you

  

I will love you

with your pointed claws 

with your sharp teeth

with your untamed tail and horns

I will love you

with your unloosen darken soul

And the harm it could cause

I will love you

with your beaten past and fear

Even if you can’t love me with all of you, with just a piece of you

I will love you with every bit of my being

I will love you

Even in moments of silence

cruel words and pain, hatred and tears

I will love you

No matter how many times 

you push me away

i will always come back

I will stay

and love you

 
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Posted by on August 24, 2015 in insights, poetry

 

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Jessabelle

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